悼念 Common Sense 先生

昨日收到一篇英文訃文，原文據說刊於英國《泰晤士報》。朋友附言說，有趣、傷感而真實。我讀了，輕嘆一聲，頗有同感。訃文是為 Common Sense (常識先生)而寫的，他該是英國人吧，但相信很多地方都有像他一樣的人，起碼香港就有。其他地方的 Common Sense 先生，如果尚健在，也一定痛不欲生而奄奄一息了。造成健康惡化的原因不一定一樣，但相似，就如所染的「沙士」各為變種。

如認識 Common Sense 先生──英國的、他鄉的、本地的──者，請同追悼，並把悼文傳送給認識或不認識他的朋友們，蓋如訃文所言，知道 Common Sense 去世的人不多也。

訃文翻譯如下：

今天，我們一起追悼摯友 Common Sense (常識先生)，我們共同生活過很多年。

沒有人知道他的確實年齡，因為他的出生紀錄早已在官僚繁瑣程序中不知所終。他為人懷念，是因為培育了以下珍貴品德：
──具有得失取捨之明
──明白天道酬勤之理
──知道人生非盡公平
──知道有時錯或在己

Common Sense 的理財方針簡單而健全 (量入為出)，目光遠大而可靠 (要由成年人而不是小孩子管事)。

自從用心良苦而專橫的條例接連出台，他的健康就惡化。一名六歲男孩因為親吻同學而被控性騷擾；有青少年因為午飯後使用了嗽口水而不准上學；一名教師因為申斥一名頑劣學生而被撤職等等報道，他的病情不得不惡化。

教師管束頑劣學生，做了家長該做而不做的事反而受到家長攻擊後，Common Sense 難免洩氣。

當學校要先得到家長同意才可給學生發太陽油或阿斯匹林，而學生若懷孕了要墮胎卻不可通知家長時，他的健康進一步惡化。

到教堂成為一盤生意，到罪犯的待遇比受害者還好，Common Sense 已生趣索然。

直至你在自己家裡面對竊賊而不能自衛，反倒被竊賊控告傷人時，Common Sense 心如刀割。

一名女子竟說不知道冒煙的咖啡是燙的，濺到腿上後，馬上有人授予巨款以求息事寧人。Common Sense 聞之，已覺得生無可戀。

Common Sense 的雙親 Truth (真理)與 Trust (信任)，妻子 Discretion (謹慎)，女兒Responsibility (責任)，和兒子 Reason (理性)，早在他去世之前已撒手塵寰。.

他還有四名異父/母兄弟在世，各人名為：
我知道我的權利
我馬上就要
這是他人的責任
我是受害者

他的喪禮上，出席者不多，因為迄今知道他離世者不多。

謹此泣告

(蕭雪樺譯)

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相關文章：常識的迷思
http://silverylines.blogspot.com/2011/03/blog-post_25.html

原文：
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

 It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

 Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

 Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Sob Sob Regards